Let's talk about sex
Men and low libido: 8 ways to reignite desire
It certainly is not something men like to talk about. But a low libido, especially later in life, is something that can be dealt with. And since there are cures and because, as explained by Barry McCarthy, professor emeritus of psychology and and sex therapist expert at the American University in Washington, a low libido can hurt a couple more than any other sex related disorder. A decreasing in sexual desire happens gradually and isn’t helpful to measure sexual interest against the frequency of sexual relations. All the same, there needs to be some way to measure sexual desire. And so, if these encounters only happen in bed, if sex doesn’t transmit feelings of connection and sharing, if one partner is always initiating, if sex is mechanical, if there are no longer any thoughts and fantasies about your partner and if sex only happens once or twice a month, then it’s time to stop and think and run for help. McCarthy offers the following advice:
1. Stay Active
Do sports, take a walk either alone or with your partner. If you are already an athletic person, try to push yourself a bit harder to increase your sense of satisfaction and vitality. Confidence in our physique naturally leads to sexual confidence.
2. Be realistic
Do not get caught up in performance anxiety or by the idea that every sexual encounter must be perfect. Maybe on 40%-50% of sex is satisfying for both partners. If you can laugh off the moments that did not quite go as planned, your partner will be more likely to want to try again, and it can remove a sense of guilty.
3. Use your imagination
Exploring sexual fantasies is considered a good exercise according to couples’ therapists. If you and your partner feel ok with it, you could read books or watch movies that show both male and female fantasies. After sharing yours, ask your partner to do the same. Do not be satisfied with the “I don’t have any” response. Try and ask them to name at least one thing that they have always wanted their partner to do to make them feel good.
4. Plan for intimate occasions
Spontaneity is ideal, but family and work creep in and you might have to be satisfied with planning sex. But evening planning for it can be exciting. Think about that special night like a concert that you have been waiting to attend. It can help if there are special details: a little gift for your partner, playing some of your favourite music, turn off your phones, call a babysitter.
5. Focus on the entire body
For men, sex tends to focus primarily on the genitals. Nevertheless, there are many parts of the body that can be called erogenous and stimulating them can add to the moment. Take time to explore your partner’s body and let them explore yours. Let yourself be led by pleasure and by a goal. Stimulate, touch, and take your time to enjoy the feelings.
6. Talking about what you both want can increase libido
It can be difficult to discuss this, especially when we hit on more delicate topics that can shut your partner down. If you are not able to say the things you’d like, find a book that talks about it and read it with your partner. Look at the pictures, laugh. Be sure that your partner understands that you are open and that you are willing to work on the situation and make things better between the two of you.
7. Go out together with friends
Desire feeds on newness. When you go to a party or a dinner and see your partner with other people. You get to see your partner in a new light. You remember how interesting and fascinating they are, and the same thing happens for you. It can become an opportunity for you to remember why you were attracted to each other in the first place.
8. Specialists can help
When the fuse box has a problem, you call the electrician. Why don’t you do the same for sex - calling a specialist - when your sex life or relationship seems to have a problem? Ask your doctor or urologist if a decrease in your sex drive could be connected to the drugs you take or from other disorders you may have. You can also talk with them about the possibility of meeting with a couple’s therapist.HFTHQ 20-42