When it comes to beginning a new relationship, we are often attracted to those who are attracted to us. This is a principle called “reciprocal attraction,” and it usually works well because it reduces the chances of rejection. Nonetheless, making yourself desirable to others also has some upsides. So which of these two is the better strategy? The second, as it turns out.
This was demonstrated by a team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli interdisciplinary center Herzliya whose results were published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationship.
The team conducted research on three different ways to search for a soul mate. In the first case, the participants had to interact with online profiles of possible partners and it was immediately evident that preference was given to those people who described themselves as being “hard to get”. In the second experiment, the researchers wanted to evaluate the amount of effort made by participants to win over their selected partner, verifying that the difficulty involved correlated to an increase in sexual desire.
Finally, in the third case, the effort made to see someone a second time was evaluated and was evaluated to be greater with the partner was perceived as “hard to get”. But a word of warning. While it may be true that seeming to be too interested can make someone seem “desperate,” and thereby lessen the attraction, being too distant can also have the opposite effect than what one expecting. The result being that the potential partner walks away.
The researchers suggest the need for a balance. Perhaps showing a bit more interest at the beginning, so that the other person doesn’t leave too early, but then allowing for a certain amount of distance and maintaining just enough mystery to merit a second date.HFTHQ 20-30